Anger

“All anger is a tragic manifestation of unmet needs”
- Marshall Rosenberg

What’s the best thing you can do when someone is angry with you?

Nothing.

Well, not quite...
When someone is angry with you, there is no point whatsoever in trying to get them to understand your version of the situation. They will not hear you because in that moment, they want to be heard.

Until they are ready to hear you, it is best not to push your ‘reality’ onto them. Keep your version and intentions to yourself. Do not try to put them right (even if you feel they are totally wrong) or to justify yourself. It is totally pointless. You will only fuel their belief in their version of events; when in anger, we cannot shift what we believe to be ‘right’.

Listen to them, their frustration and pain, hear what they are really saying, feeling, and needing.

When they have calmed down, they may eventually ask or will be open to you bringing up the issue. This could be hours, weeks or months. Be patient and know your turn to be heard comes quicker when you give empathy. Simply acknowledge (guess) their state; i.e ‘are you feeling really angry/furious/pissed off right now? Because you want some respect/space/choice/help/clarity/assurance etc?’

You do not have to agree or disagree with them. Acknowledging what’s going on with them in that moment is a good alternative to just walking away.

Equally, try not to act out of anger; you are likely to regret your actions and certainly make things worse.

Interested in finding out more?

Check out NonViolent Communication and my courses at www.rivcarubin.com